Istanbul, March 25th, 2024

Last month I kicked-off my 7th year in business. It all started in 2018 and I'm still standing, taking it one year at a time. It's been a slow journey, but a solid one.

So this week I took some time to reflect on key take-aways. Because when you choose to start a business or go freelance, you kinda have the numbers against you.

About 80% of start-ups or freelancers don’t make it past the first 5 year mark. The business either fails or the team can’t deal with the many challenges that are part of the journey. When you look at the success stories, most of them took about a decade to become solid. And as for the people who do make it past the 5 year mark, about 70% struggle with mental health issues which puts them at risk personally.

All of this made me realize that I am doing pretty good! I have never felt more energized, I look and feel healthy and I have built a lifestyle that is supporting my dreams. I reflected on my journey and identified 7 nuggets through learning and experience that got me where I am today.

#1: Know your why and let is drive you.

Simon Sinek made this concept very popular, and it works because it's true. When you are clear on why you do what you do it doesn’t matter how hard things get, you will always find a way. Your why is the dot on your horizon while navigating rough seas. It will be your focus when life tries to distract you with fear.

My driver is and has always been to feel free. Not only freedom to do what I want or live where I want but also freedom from certain things. When I am faced with adversity, moving through moments where self doubt creeps in, I remind myself of this concept:

I do what I do because it serves my desire for freedom. And everything that is not in alignment with that, is a no-go for me.

This also means that I had to get comfortable with disappointing people. The people pleaser in me had to go and it has been a whole process to let that part of my identity transform into something else. I think this has been the area where I had to mature the most.  

#2: Choose your inner circle wisely!

Inevitably, when you choose to prioritize yourself, you will disappoint people. And at times, you will have to let go of people. And that never gets easy. Because even the strongest characters have a deep desire to belong.

This is why having a handful of reliable and brutally honest friends is crucial for success. When I  feel vulnerable, when I am in a phase where I stretch myself and life throws rocks at me at the same time, that’s where I second guess everything: the choices I’ve made, the person I have become and the things I do.

In those moments, my friends are my lifeline. They are the ones who remind me why I do what I do. They remind me how my choices have inspired them and others. They remind me how my stories impact others.

My friends remind me when to be brave, when to be kind to myself and when to divert course. If it wasn’t for my friends, I would be back in a 9-to-5 and missing-out on the adventure I am making my life to be. So if you have big dreams, you need big personalities that surround you.

#3: Learn to trust yourself.

In order to trust yourself, you need to know yourself. And to really know yourself, you need to be willing to spend a lot of time with yourself.

And at the same time, you need to accept that you are a work in progress and that nothing is a given. Therefore, building a set of habits and routines is necessary to stay connected to yourself.

I gave myself a decade to build something solid. And it’s because I trust myself, my skills and my intuition that I am still standing. When I decided to go freelance and start a business, I knew I had to get comfortable with myself.

Our ego’s cloud our clarity, and this is why building habits to stay connected to yourself is vital. We are not machines, we are triggered by the outside world and we are being conditioned every day. So I have built a daily practice that serves my physical, mental and spiritual needs.

Creating space to connect with my inner voice is vital for me, because it always knows the way.

#4: Invest in yourself

These past seven years have been exponential in terms of personal development. And that shows in my numbers. My biggest expense in business is and will probably always be myself.

I invest a lot of time and money in books, courses and 1-on-1 coaching. Because even though I am doing a lot by myself, I am always guided by others. That's how you grow. You learn from those who are a few steps ahead of you or who are experts in a field that your business needs.

Investing in coaching is never about copy pasting. If they sell you that, walk away because it doesn't work. But coaching does help you to learn to trust yourself, to build skills under supervision and to play with tools and figure out what works for you and your business.

I live by this rule that everything is inspiration. And once you have built a solid connection with yourself, you feel grounded enough to navigate criticism and failures because you know yourself. And everything that is not aligned with that is trying to teach you something.

Be your own truth. And use everything around you as a resource to get closer to that truth.

I have had a few “discussions” with coaches, because I don’t hire them to tell me what to do. I hire them because I want to learn to think, to be challenged and to elevate my mind and soul so that I can grow to the next level. Doing what that they did will not work, but understanding how they think and learning from their mistakes will.  

#5: Use confusion as fuel

Many of us are afraid of discomfort. This is why we procrastinate, we avoid difficult conversations and why we people please. But we forget that discomfort brings us growth. Moving through the discomfort makes you tap into skills and beliefs that will take you to the next level.

So if it is a comfortable life you seek, then you need to be ok with the fact that discomfort will lead you there. Comfort is the long term goal, discomfort is the short term game. That's how you stretch yourself. Your tolerance for certain things becomes bigger and at the same time your tolerance for other things, maybe previous things, becomes smaller.

#6: Being resourceful will bring you a long way

If it is one skill I'm good at, it is being resourceful. This is why my friends never worry about me when I call them in distress. When your desire is big enough, you will always find a way. Focus will navigate you. And trust in yourself will help you become unstoppable. But you need to be willing to be uncomfortable and make a few sacrifices.

Resourcefulness, for me, is about tapping into creativity, thinking outside the box. But also being stubborn enough to follow your own ideas. Not being afraid to experiment. And learning how to navigate disappointment.

But the secret sauce is desire. The desire needs to be big enough. That is why you need to remind yourself why you do what you do. You need that dot on the horizon. If not, you will get lost in the many distractions and opinions of others. Especially in moments of difficulty.

#7: Consistency will always lead to success

This is my biggest challenge! Consistency is teaching me patience, to trust the process and to trust that what I do will bring me the desired results. The challenging thing tho is that you don't know when. That is the part you don't control and you need to be ok with that.

I guess this is why many people give-up. Because they don’t see the results within a certain timeframe and thus they think it’s not working.

My biggest aha-moment was when I learned that it takes about ten years to build a solid brand. I needed to hear that, because at a given point I got frustrated with myself. I didn’t see the results I wanted and thus I wrongfully concluded that what I was doing doesn't work.

But thanks to books, coaching and friends I keep finding the courage to stay on the rollercoaster, with a clear focus, a plan and a very strong desire. But I had to let go of self imposed timelines. Instead I had to learn to allow myself to have more fun, experiment more and trusting the process.

That’s it for this week. These are my 7 nuggets I have picked-up along the way in my seven year journey. I hope they inspire you to trust yourself, invest in yourself and take a change on yourself! As mentioned last week, time is a precious resource. So spend it wisely.

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With love,

Ines

ps. About the picture: The picture from photographer Ahmet Polat is hanging in the bathroom of my air bnb. It's a poster that was distributed by Istanbul Modern. So last week I took myself on an artist date and went to the museum of modern art, hoping to find this poster in the gift shop. Unfortunately I couldn't find it. So I went online and started looking for it. After some research, I discovered that Ahmet Polat is a Dutch-Turkish photographer, worked with Vogue and has a few projects. He also has a studio in Amsterdam. Soooo ... in a few weeks, when I'm back home, I am considering of reaching-out to the man and ask him where I can find this poster (because my budget doesn't allow to buy an original ... yet. lol). Will keep you posted. Because, who knows, this might become another story ... It's things like this, that makes life memorable!

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