Cape Town, April 29th 2024

One week ago today I boarded my flight in Brussels with destination Cape Town, a city that has been on my wish list for such a long time. I am beyond excited to be able to call this vibrant place my home for the next 6 weeks. Beaches, mountains, wine and the friendliest people on the planet ... and as always, I'm taking you with me.

Even though it has been almost a week since my arrival, my first few days here have been stressful and challenging. I've spend the weekend in a hotel, isolated, pampering myself with massages and sparkling wine but feeling desperate and alone.

Life on the road is not always glorious. But still, I would not have it any other way. I have learned so much about the world, myself and my needs through travel. I have learned to speak-up for myself, to speak-up for others, to always protect myself with clear boundaries, holding my standards and not being avoidant because nobody benefits from that.

Every set back is an invitation to become better and stronger. And yes, feeling sad, isolated and alone are part of the process. But being an emotionally mature person, you allow yourself those moments. Because you know those moments are temporary. You have learned that those moments are teachers and that in those moments you find yourself again.

So what happened?

Long story short, I experienced an Airbnb crisis. I had booked a beautiful apartment in a beautiful area, but my Airbnb turned into a construction site with builders in my front and back yard. And I was left in the dark about all of it which made me feel uncomfortable. So I had to take action.

On my first morning, with my morning tea at hand, I was ready to soak-up some sun in my garden. When I opened the blinds, semi naked, assuming I was alone, I was greeted by 3 painters instead. Very friendly people, but not really what I expected nor needed.

Even though my host assured me it would be just for one day, I found 7 builders on my premises the next day, turning my backyard into a construction site. There was noise and people everywhere and so I had to cancel my meetings, find refugee in a cafe and "wait" till 5pm when they would leave.

Needless to say I was feeling annoyed. And being extremely tired did not help with managing my emotional state. It was not the fact that works were being done that bothered me. I was annoyed by the lack of transparency from my host which created a trust issue.

When your words don't match your actions, you become unreliable.

And I have no patience any more for people who are not trustworthy, reliable or kind. A life lesson I had to learn the hard way and this experience is a beautiful reminder.

‍People will always show you who they are!

And this is where it gets interesting. Not just for me, but for many of us. When you are a positive person, like myself, you always find ways to make the best out of situations. You "make it work". But there should be limits to your "niceness". Something I had to learn the hard way. Call it another life lesson:

Being nice is often mistaken as an invitation from others to cross your boundaries.

‍And that's where things get tricky for most of us. Nobody wants to be perceived as "difficult" or "high maintenance" but the thing is, we live in a world where the majority of people are takers. And this is difficult to accept when you are a soft hearted person or an empath.

In a world where accountability is no longer a given, were people are driven by fear and where the majority of us have become avoidant because we don't know how to deal with discomfort, you are doing the world a favor by standing your ground!

So given that my privacy was no longer a guarantee and I was in desperate need for personal space, peace and quiet, I had to speak-up, become "a difficult customer" and really stand my ground on what I no longer wish to tolerate.

Always uncomfortable because we automatically anticipate potential conflict or gaslighting, and many of us still need to learn to navigate those things in a healthy way. I was once one of them. Let it be one of the main drivers why the majority of us are choosing avoidance over confrontation. But life has taught me this:

Don't use empathy as an excuse to tolerate bad behaviour!

Another life lesson you can take home. One that I learned the hard way, meaning through pain and disappointment.

I filled a complaint with Airbnb on Thursday morning and have been "on it" for the past 4 days. It's no joke, because there is a lot of money involved and unfortunately, people become funny when money is involved.

Kindness becomes defensiveness and the projection of their own fears onto you becomes real. So I had to enter the arena of mediation, explaining myself several times to Airbnb and in the end file a safety issue to get the support I needed because I was not being heard.  

It's in times like this that a hug or to have somebody to hold you for a brief moment is worth gold! Helas, I'm in a foreign country, by myself, with nobody in the city I know to hang-out with.

And so I had to do what I do best: Take care of myself in the most elegant and kind way possible and trust life knowing that it will all work-out in my favour. Because it always does! The challenge, however, is to trust the process and thus the unknown.

But there is also good news!

Challenges always teach us valuable lessons on life and how to navigate it better. Don't get me wrong, I know there are much bigger challenges out there. I mean, I'm in South Africa, I just need to pop my head out to understand how privileged I am.

However, the world is made-up out of so many different realities, because in the end that is what we create. This is why I am such a huge fan in giving back to communities all around. And I hope that my experiences and lessons I share through my stories are helping you to navigate your reality and make it better every day.

So what did I learn from this experience?

1. Resourcefulnes: I had to navigate a situation where my kindness was being taken advantage of and where I was not being heard. So I had to tap into resourcefulness in order to move things forward. Waiting for Airbnb did not work for me, so I filled a safety issue and within the hour I got a phonecall from the US.

They listened to my story, acknowledged my issue and in the end they apologized for not responding earlier, because my first inquiry only got automated responses for 5h straight. Untill I had enough and stepped-up my game by raising another issue.

My fear of "being too much" had to make room for "giving myself permission to take up space". Which brings me to my second lesson:

2. Stop waiting for permission. I could have waited for airbnb to give me permission to leave the apartment. And I could have waited in my Airbnb becasue I was not sure what was possible. But I didn't. Instead I choose to not settle and to pack my bags and go somewhere nice.

Way too often we settle for less then what we want and in the process we disregard our own needs.

So ask yourself: Where are you waiting for permission? And is that really necessary? Or are you avoiding potential discomfort?

3. Embrace the discomfort. As mentioned, many of us avoid conflict because we are afraid of the discomfort that it brings. Whether it is criticism, gaslighting or passive aggressive behavior.

Conflict has a negative connotation for many of us. But what if I tell you that you can change that. All it takes is for you to stay true to who you really are and understand that bad behaviour from others has nothing to do with you. So learn ways to have it impact you as little as possible.

4. The importance of a network. A special shout-out to Candice! Born and raised in Cape Town, moved to Amsterdam a few years ago and part of my network and this community. She has been my local guide from afar. Supporting me with places to have good wine, comfort food and crafting itineraries for perfect weekends and perfect mornings!

She introduced me to her network here and by doing that making me feel safe and supported. She also helped me by sharing her favourite places to stay and helped me find alternative accommodation. In other words: her actions made me remember that you can always choose kindness! And you should. So thank you Candice for being such a GEM!

5. Nobody will come and save you! Being an empath, having a big heart and being hungry for love I still struggle with the reality of this. But it also helped me realize that life is what you make of it. And the events of last week have been a beautiful reminder. I have learned so much.

So never be afraid to ask for what you want, catch yourself when you slip back into being avoidant and give yourself permission to take up space instead.

And always choose kindness, no matter what. Because your actions speak for who you truly are!

My issue with Airbnb is still not resolved, mistakes have been made and the process is ongoing. But at least I am somewhere calm with ocean views, have managed the situation well enough to not being forgotten or bombarded with automated emails. And I am finally ready to do what I came here to do ...

More adventures next week as I will report back on life in Cape Town because bumpy starts are always a pre-requisite for epic journeys! Can't wait what this city is bringing me next ...  

Wishing you a wonderful week!

With kindness, always!

Ines

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